14. Tea with the dead

Good afternoon to all my devoted readers. Today we are proud to launch a new section in the blog- an interview, biscuits and tea (earl grey, of course) with a selected dead guest.
For the first celebratory interview we wanted to bring you the king himself, Mr. Elvis Presley, but we found out that he is actually not dead at all, and working 24/7 at a gas station in a small town in Idaho. However, the guest that agreed to come here is less fat, and even more talented than the king. Died only at 35, he was able to write some of the greatest music there is, and was popular with the ladies as much he is popular today with the kids (who know his famous chocolaty version). Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome the one and only, Mr. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart! [fake applause is being heard from the computer's speakers]

W.A. Mozart: Thank you very much. Zis is a great pleasure to be here.

Daniel M.: Please, feel comfortable. Would you like some cream and sugar in your tea?

WAM: Only sugar, thanks.

DM: So, Mr. Mozart- how is it to be dead?

WAM: Well, not so good. To begin with, they put us all composers in one building, and you can imagine the noises I have to deal with- Mahler is just above us, and Boulez is my next door neighbor. I'm telling you, Beethoven is lucky to be deaf.

DM: Wait a moment, Mr. Boulez is still alive! I met him personally this summer.

WAM: Believe me, he is dead.

DM: So you know the works of Mahler and Boulez? I am sure it is very interesting for all our readers to know what you think of contemporary music.

WAM: Some of it I like, but mostly I am very disappointed. Ms. Spears has very limited harmonic progressions and Radiohead didn't release anything good after "OK computer".

DM: I meant classical contemporary music, but never mind. By the way, your English is very impressive. Did you talk to Britten or Ives in the last hundred years?

WAM: Hell no! I watch Television.

DM: Do you have television up there?

WAM: It's black and white and we get only Fawlty Towers and re-runs of Baywatch. But I love the opening sequence...

DM: I see. What about your own compositions? Did you have a chance to listen to any of them performed since you died in 1791?

WAM: I heard Badura-Skoda playing some of my sonatas. It was extremely slow and very boring. I hated it.

DM: Were you in the actual concert?

WAM: No, I watched it on Youtube.

DM: So, you have internet as well!

WAM: Not anymore. Since Wagner has downloaded some Nazi propaganda last month they blocked all our building access. But I get sometimes a wifi signal from the painters block.

DM: Wow, I didn't know you were so modern up there. Is the older generation keeping up as well?

WAM: Are you kidding? Bach is composing only with Finale, and it saves him so much time with all the counterpoint. Only last week he composed 500 new cantatas.

DM: Is there a chance to hear any of this music?

WAM: When you are dead, there will be.

DM: I understand. What else? Are you and Constanze still together?

WAM: Constanze is so 300 years ago! As everyone else, I have also been with Clara Schumann and Alma Mahler, whom I married 20 years ago.

DM: Congratulations!

WAM: We have some kind of an open marriage- she lets me go out with other dead women and I let her try and complete my Requiem.

DM: This is absolutely fascinating. I could continue talking with you all day, but unfortunately our time is up. Just one more personal question- in your a minor sonata, the vorschlag should be on or before the beat?

Hallo und herzliche willkommen zu KV467. Die person ist nicht...

Well, I guess I will have to wait another 300 years for this answer, or simply ask my teacher.
Please send me your ideas and suggestions for future dead guests. Our motto is- if he is dead, he can be on our blog. Until next time, have a wonderful day and don't forget to feed the cat.